Wow. Can you people believe it?

 seriously, whats happening to me? Wanna say karma? But have i really done so many bad stuffs that i deserve so much bullshit at this time of my life?

  Yupp, its still about her. Damn she's driving me crazy..! We recently met a few times to "clear things up" which what i was hoping for to set things right back. But every time we meet, she kept dropping bombs on me..! And then there was awkward silence which we both hate. Not once for 4 years we hang out together, there was awkward silence. I guess things change........because of me. Me and my stupid idea.

  I'm not usually that stupid. Actually I used to be a different person. I used to be someone who doesn't care about what the world thinks and doing everything i want. Prioritizing all my other commitments above my relationships. Thinks through a very important decision before actually doing it. And a lot more. But these days, I'm way different. I'm starting to have commitment issues. I do things without giving much thoughts. What's happening?

  I'd like to think that I have change. But, for the better or worse? Maybe time will tell. Or maybe there's no better or worse. Its just Change.

  Uhhhhhh..! Training is really taking a toll on me. 5 times a week is exhausting. Okay, maybe it wouldn't be exhausting if I had enough rest. But unfortunately, I don't have enough rest. Plus I have hardly run for the past 2 weeks..! What's going on with me?!! Training is getting tough. I'm playing a new position which I can do nothing much is kinda dumb. So I thought of that I should quit the national team and join a club and play for leisure. But that would mean I'm gonna have to waste my money on it rather then earning money playing the beautiful game..

  A lot of bullshit happening luhhh. Can't remember the last time a good thing have happen to me. Haizz. What to do?

 Ooohh and things couldn't get worse. Just heard news of my relatives overseas are going power hungry? Okay more like money hungry. Heard they are fighting with each other over money, money and more money. And at some point, I heard me and my family are in a way, involved in the matter. Haizz, left them for a while without seeing them and BANG..! They turn to be come hungry assholes. Okay, the screwed up part is that, i'm hearing these stories from both sides. And I heard totally different accounts. Which one to side and believe siaaaa..?


 I seriously dunno what to do, expect or wait for anymore. Not that I'm crazy or what. I just hope something REALLY REALLY BAD happens to me. So that I can actually be more thankful and actually cherish the life I'm having rather then having all these empty and stupid moments lingering in my life.


I used to be......

heck cared about what the world think of me.

 Now, I became someone like this~

person who became emo over stupid stuffs and all

 i hate it that i love you

What the hell is going on?

 Ohhh so its a new year...... Not gonna talk about stupid resolution, make a wish for this and that for the new year, bla bla bla. My life these days have suckkkk. Serious down to the core. I always thought life have a balance. Like if many bad things happening to you, good things will come sooner or later. But, it just have suck too much to the point whereby I can't be optimistic about anything anymore!

  Okay, maybe I made a wrong move by doing something that I know I will regret doing. But I know I will regret more if I don't try. I expect to lose everything when the beans have been spilled. And it did happen. I lost everything, but I expected it to happen, so I was fine. But I didn't know the full extent of the damage I have done until the dust have settled down. I miss every one bit of it. Even though expecting it, I didn't know I could feel so miserable losing her.

 And these days, life is just more miserable. School is throwing shits. Group mates are being hopeless. Very hopeless. And here am i being all sleep deprived with just 2hrs of sleep and could still last the whole day and still blogging here. Sometimes I wonder, what the hell am I doing here putting myself through all this shits?

  I don't know why, but not once things happen my way. There is so many things I wanna do. I wanna go run, wanna play basketball, wanna go on an adventure. But things can never once happen my way. No time to run even though I've promise myself. No friends to play basketball with. No adventures =(  I'd like to believe that I'm going through all this shit for a reason. For a better tomorrow if you may say so. Or something that i can look forward to in life. I wanna know the future is good ahead. you know like a rainbow after a thunderstorm?

 I feel so........empty these days. So abandoned. So meaningless. So wronged. So guilty. So afraid. So embarrassed. Feel like I'm wasting most of my time these days to dumbness and all. I guess after all, I'm just waiting for something good to come along. That's the only thing I can hope for. And I'd like to believe it will come.

 However fucked up it seems. A friend told me, maybe that I'm just choosing not to see the good sides. Like not seeing things that is around me. Things that make me who I am today. I tend to see it as a bad thing because I've always been so caught up in my own idea of my own "perfect life" but never realize there are better things to expect then just my dreams. I dunno.

  But for now, I just need something. Anything. Hopefully something new. Something that could keep my mind busy instead realizing my shits. Things are no longer the way it its. It getting too crappier these days. Its no more "S.N.A.F.U"
The situation have just changed to a F.U.B.A.R


~fauzi

In life, you just don't have so much time as you think you have

Nothingness awaits me

 imagine waking up everyday to such a sight...! I wouldn't mind one bit..! But here in Singapore, we're woken up by noisy vehicles and everything else that is man made noise. And the view, it can't get any worse. Ohh yea, its a jungle out there. Jungle filled with high rise urban buildings and everything else but nature. What about the beach? Its crap! Horizon is filled with countless huge ass ships! Haizz.

I want a holiday BADLY. Correction, I freakking need a holiday! I want to dive into nature! See new lands! Meet new people. Get lost in a jungle!
But life just have to get in the way ehh? Haizz!



me and my S.N.A.F.U Life..... i'm pathetic, i get it

Moments in my life

Wahhh finally! my laptop is back on my lap! But not without complications. Sent my laptop for repairs but returned with all the data gone! its like a brand new laptop! Damnnn! So need to send the laptop back to SP people to get the SP software craps back! But for now, its a cool. Let see what happened last few days!


WATERPOLO WAS UNCOOL!
  15Dec. Wednesday was kinda uncool. Seriously. Made it for the important meeting. Seems like i'll still be playing waterpolo further down the road. But however, said farewell to some people who had made an impact in my life. People who made me believe that I was destined for something bigger. People who believed in me while I didn't believe I was able to do things more. Yupp, had to say goodbye to those people. My wednesdays will be very much different without them. Especially her. Yeaa, she was special to me. Because of some reason uhh. Sent her home on that knowing my last time i'll ever see her. Even though I hope i'll see her again. Oooooohhhh yeaaa! She made me something for our last day!

cant be seen clearly, but written there BOYS

 yeaa, she's a year older then me so i think thats why she refer to me as a "boy". lolz! Really really wish to see her again soon. Afterall, without her, I wouldnt be where I am right now ehhh. Sobss.....

Played waterpolo again on the 22nd dec, wednesday. Felt really weird without those people. Haizz. They used to be there everytime. EVERYTIME! As constant as the stars above. So how am I supposed to act normal, when the stars suddenly one day disappears right? Haizz!


SP ADVENTURERS!
 had the "traditional right of passage" camp called AX at P. Ubin on 16 to 17 Dec. Was suppose to be from 15, but I had to go for my important waterpolo meeting. So joined on the 2nd and 3rd day. Felt kinda............ wrong for me luhh. The camp was quite a training camp. Countless push ups. Disgusting shits. Learning imporant survival skills. More disgusting shits. Walking in the middle of the night when fully exhausted already. More countless push ups, more disgusting shits. Hahahaha! Shall learn from my seniors and not post EVERYTHING up for my future juniors to know about..! hahahaha! 

me and the fellow upgraders!

But i think overall, it was a great experience. I think my muscles have grown too big too. okok lolz, joking! hahahaha! But seriously those people around me were a great bunch of people. They were the source of my motivation. Seriously, i didn't think i would be able to do all that i have done without them! =)

Yesterday 23rd Dec, went to SAFRA Yishun to rock climb with SPA people. AND Yishun rockwall is like freakkkkkkkkkkkkking HIGH CAN?!!! LOLZ! Climbing there was AWESOME LUHH! Especially the rock gym! Its like a freakking playground thats what it is! hahahaha! And THE CHIMNEY Climb....... That was seriously fucked up shit! Literally. It was the hardest shit I ever did I think. I don't remember sweating so much when climbing siaaa! But I made it to the top! =) Here are some photos of yesterday!

crazily climb with the camera.

 Epic photo. LoLz!

freakkkkking high!

Jasper and Afiq. High right? Lolz!

 Didnt really had the chance to take pics inside the rock gym. But it was "enriching" inside there. Hahahaha! And omg, my seniors can climb really well lorrzz! lolz! Ended the day with countless blisters on the hand, scrapped skin all over the place coz of the chimney climb, and aching muscles. But took back home great experience! hahaha!


OKOK, NOW ON TO MY PERSONAL STUFFS ( read it with an open mind )
went to court on Christmas Eve (today) coz of stupid reasons. Shall not press on the matter. Quite depressing. Just some words for it. You Sir, are a dumbass! Down to the core dumbass..! Never make assurance knowing you cant keep dumbass fucker!


she................. she's not like every other girl. She's different. I feel different being with her. Although we have this special friendship for like 3 years now, it still feels special everytime i'm with her. And it took me 3 years to realize that I'll never be happy in life unless knowing that she's part of the happiness too. She grew to be something special to me. We hang out like almost 3 times a week at the very same place. We stayed up all the way from night to morning doing crap and all. And must I really risk all this special things in my life to tell her how I feel? One thing for sure is that I really don't wanna lose this special thing I have with her. But on the other hand, I really wanna let her know how I feel about her. Personally, I have no idea how she feels about me. Because she's always so tied up about all the guys who like her and how she doesnt like a single one of them. But what if I end up being one of those morons too? Haizz But this is all me looking things from my perspective.

If im to look at the perspective whereby i'm suppose to be her friend. What kind of friend am I if I pressure her with my feelings when I tell her how I feel? What if she doesnt like it and doesnt want it? Haizz.. I dunno what to do. I everytime walk off feeling fucked up with regrets after sending her home. Because I wont wanna be 20 years down the road, looking back only to regret all those moments that I could have use for a better purpose. I dunno. I'm hopeless. Whatever. FML



afterall this is my SNAFU LIFE. Thanks for reading. Posted on christmas eve. But its already 25Dec now. Merry Christmas