Ohhh so its a new year...... Not gonna talk about stupid resolution, make a wish for this and that for the new year, bla bla bla. My life these days have suckkkk. Serious down to the core. I always thought life have a balance. Like if many bad things happening to you, good things will come sooner or later. But, it just have suck too much to the point whereby I can't be optimistic about anything anymore!
Okay, maybe I made a wrong move by doing something that I know I will regret doing. But I know I will regret more if I don't try. I expect to lose everything when the beans have been spilled. And it did happen. I lost everything, but I expected it to happen, so I was fine. But I didn't know the full extent of the damage I have done until the dust have settled down. I miss every one bit of it. Even though expecting it, I didn't know I could feel so miserable losing her.
And these days, life is just more miserable. School is throwing shits. Group mates are being hopeless. Very hopeless. And here am i being all sleep deprived with just 2hrs of sleep and could still last the whole day and still blogging here. Sometimes I wonder, what the hell am I doing here putting myself through all this shits?
I don't know why, but not once things happen my way. There is so many things I wanna do. I wanna go run, wanna play basketball, wanna go on an adventure. But things can never once happen my way. No time to run even though I've promise myself. No friends to play basketball with. No adventures =( I'd like to believe that I'm going through all this shit for a reason. For a better tomorrow if you may say so. Or something that i can look forward to in life. I wanna know the future is good ahead. you know like a rainbow after a thunderstorm?
I feel so........empty these days. So abandoned. So meaningless. So wronged. So guilty. So afraid. So embarrassed. Feel like I'm wasting most of my time these days to dumbness and all. I guess after all, I'm just waiting for something good to come along. That's the only thing I can hope for. And I'd like to believe it will come.
However fucked up it seems. A friend told me, maybe that I'm just choosing not to see the good sides. Like not seeing things that is around me. Things that make me who I am today. I tend to see it as a bad thing because I've always been so caught up in my own idea of my own "perfect life" but never realize there are better things to expect then just my dreams. I dunno.
But for now, I just need something. Anything. Hopefully something new. Something that could keep my mind busy instead realizing my shits. Things are no longer the way it its. It getting too crappier these days. Its no more "S.N.A.F.U"
The situation have just changed to a F.U.B.A.R
~fauzi
In life, you just don't have so much time as you think you have
