Yupp, its still about her. Damn she's driving me crazy..! We recently met a few times to "clear things up" which what i was hoping for to set things right back. But every time we meet, she kept dropping bombs on me..! And then there was awkward silence which we both hate. Not once for 4 years we hang out together, there was awkward silence. I guess things change........because of me. Me and my stupid idea.
I'm not usually that stupid. Actually I used to be a different person. I used to be someone who doesn't care about what the world thinks and doing everything i want. Prioritizing all my other commitments above my relationships. Thinks through a very important decision before actually doing it. And a lot more. But these days, I'm way different. I'm starting to have commitment issues. I do things without giving much thoughts. What's happening?
I'd like to think that I have change. But, for the better or worse? Maybe time will tell. Or maybe there's no better or worse. Its just Change.
Uhhhhhh..! Training is really taking a toll on me. 5 times a week is exhausting. Okay, maybe it wouldn't be exhausting if I had enough rest. But unfortunately, I don't have enough rest. Plus I have hardly run for the past 2 weeks..! What's going on with me?!! Training is getting tough. I'm playing a new position which I can do nothing much is kinda dumb. So I thought of that I should quit the national team and join a club and play for leisure. But that would mean I'm gonna have to waste my money on it rather then earning money playing the beautiful game..
A lot of bullshit happening luhhh. Can't remember the last time a good thing have happen to me. Haizz. What to do?
Ooohh and things couldn't get worse. Just heard news of my relatives overseas are going power hungry? Okay more like money hungry. Heard they are fighting with each other over money, money and more money. And at some point, I heard me and my family are in a way, involved in the matter. Haizz, left them for a while without seeing them and BANG..! They turn to be come hungry assholes. Okay, the screwed up part is that, i'm hearing these stories from both sides. And I heard totally different accounts. Which one to side and believe siaaaa..?
I seriously dunno what to do, expect or wait for anymore. Not that I'm crazy or what. I just hope something REALLY REALLY BAD happens to me. So that I can actually be more thankful and actually cherish the life I'm having rather then having all these empty and stupid moments lingering in my life.
I used to be......
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| heck cared about what the world think of me. |
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| person who became emo over stupid stuffs and all |
i hate it that i love you
